A Night at the Triple X

I’ve heard it said that the biggest sex organ in the body is the brain. Years ago, I had reason to confirm this statement.

Miss C and I were a number but we were beginning to get on each other’s nerves. She was smart and confident but also good looking and blonde. I was simply young and dumb. Even though we worked in the same industry, the biggest attraction we had for each other was sex, pure and simple.

Six months had passed in our relationship and the attraction had begun to wane. Both of us, it seemed, were searching for a way to let the other down easy. My buddy J was in town from Colorado and staying at my house. I was divorced but my ex and I had not yet sold our house. We were taking turns staying there until we found a buyer.

Miss C’s friend Miss A took J with her to one of our favorite bars and Miss C and I were supposed to join them. It was Friday night, Miss C a lease broker who had just returned to town from a week of checking records in Roger Mills County, had been doing her thing during that time, and I mine.

“I just want to go home and go to bed,” she said.

“What about J and Miss C?” I asked.

“They don’t need us,” Miss C said.

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s drive over anyway. J can ride back with me and Miss A can take you home.”

“Fine,” she said, “But I’m not staying.”

On the way to the club I caught a whiff of her perfume and suddenly remembered why I liked her so much. We were on 10th street, an area in Oklahoma City populated with strip bars and seedy hole-in-the-walls. About that time we passed a stand-alone x-rated movie theatre.

“Have you ever seen a porn movie?” I asked.

“I’m not ten,” she said.

On a whim I pulled into the parking lot. “Let’s go in.”

Miss C grinned. She was trying to dump me but she had just enough kink left in her to at least consider my offer.

“Come on,” I cajoled. “You don’t have a hair on your ass unless you come with me.”

“Okay, perv,” she said. “You’ll say uncle before me.”

The XXX Theatre was a single-storied building with a very dark lobby. We purchased two tickets from the disinterested ticket puncher that had likely seen it all. The theater was small and dark and smelled like urine. A naked man and an equally clad woman were going at it on the screen.

There were probably ten patrons in the theater and they weren’t people you’d want to call your best friends. Miss C and I found an empty aisle and settled in to watch the movie. The couple on screen was performing every sex act imaginable, complete with grunts, groans, moans and even a few screams.

As I began getting into the flick, I put my hand between Miss C’s legs, groping her most private parts, fully expecting to get slapped. Instead, she began licking my neck. Before long, we both had our jeans pulled down almost to the floor, helplessly locked in the throws of hot, mindless sex, right there in the middle of an x-rated theater, surrounded by perverts with their own pants down. We were suddenly shocked back to reality by a raspy voice.

“You two need to take it outside,” the man from the ticket booth told us. “This is a theater, not a bedroom.”

I don’t know who turned us in but duly chastised, we headed up the dark aisle, buttoning our britches as we went. We were both still hot – hell, I mean my head was cooking off! I was all over Miss C as soon as the doors of my car were shut. She was as hot as me and I’m not sure who was all over whom. We continued, the windows steamed like a sauna when someone tapped on the front window. It was a cop and he was smiling.

“This is no place for what you two are doing. Take it to the house, and I mean now.”

Our ardor had not waned by the time we made it back home and we spent the rest of the night locked in hot passion the like of which I haven’t experienced since. J interrupted our ardor, knocking on the door around two in the morning. I let him in and quickly returned to the bedroom without bothering to listen to the story he was trying to tell me.

Miss C and I broke up shortly after our night of red hot passion. My lust had dissolved, my brain again able to ad two and two and not come up with an answer of five.

http://www.ericwilder.com

Peppers, Football and Sex

Last night on Nightline there was a segment on the world's hottest pepper. The pepper comes from a remote part of India and one restaurant in Chicago uses it to make what they advertise as the world's hottest chicken wings. A Nightline reporter interviewed the chef who informed him they made their customers sign a waiver before serving them their specialty hot wings. This is because the Indian pepper is 2000 times hotter than a jalapeno on the SHU scale, a scale for measuring the caipusun content (the chemical that makes it hot) in a pepper.

The Nightline reporter mentioned that humans are the only creatures that will eat a pepper. Supposedly, not even a rat can be trained to eat one. Why then are hot, spicy foods so ingrained in the diets of many cultures, Americans as well?

A psychologist interviewed by Nightline said that hot wings prepared with the super-hot pepper was probably consumed mostly by young men, often as a challenge and often during a televised sporting event such as Sunday's Super Bowl. Hot spicy foods do have at least one benefit. They cause the release of endorphins and provide the effect of something similar to a runner's high. When couples consume the spicy fare together, they are often more sexually attracted to each other. This, I guess, should make hot wings and other hot, spicy foods the date food of choice.

The report got me to thinking what else that humans do that other creatures don't. For one, only humans run marathons and play team sports, such as football. There is an important connection here that I haven't yet grasped but one thing is sure - Americans, Nightline reports, will consume 90 million pounds of hot wings during the Super Bowl. That's right, 90 million pounds!

That brings me to the Super Bowl tomorrow. The most watched television event of the year has little to do with whether the Patriots or the Giants are the best football team. It's really all about peppers, team sports and sex, and you can bet there won't be a single rat watching the event.http://www.ericwilder.com/